Sunday, March 2, 2008

Twenty.


something i scribbled down in church today between being one big cry-fest of a person having to leave the sanctuary for most of the service and when i was kind of okay.

"it is interesting, because although our own hearts and minds have been working together all our lives, and reside not but 2 feet from each other, they insist on working as separate entities when it seems it would count the most for them to work together.  when our heart is fragile, we can surprise ourselves with what we are capable of.  but then, we cannot take this for granted because when we dare assume we are capable of certain tasks, we find our state of fragility comes foreword and we lose our control.
our emotional-, spiritual-, physical-, and intellectual-selves are so intertwined and yet so apart."

i do not feel brave.
i do not feel strong.
i do not feel adequate. 

i suppose in our lives, we need to have moments like break-ups where we realize how little we have on our own.
  
Lord, I trust you.

1 comments:

Dana said...

Interesting that you write that. I'm reading C.S. Lewis' "The Problem of Pain" right now for a class and I just finished a chapter last night where he makes the argument that if not for pain we would never realize how much we need God. When we have a fabulous sense of false security it is easy to ignore God but when that is all stripped away, as you say, we realize really how little we have left. While I have some problems with Lewis' ideas, and parts of this idea in particular, on some level it does make some sense.

By the way, no matter how inadequate and weak you feel, you truly are strong. I believe that you can do this, friend, and your strength and courage is inspiring and amazing. This journey is a scary one, trust me I know. I feel it, trust me. But there are those who are willing to walk the journey with you. And when you're too weary to journey, then rest. Jesus is there too.

"Be still and know that I am God."