it's a beautiful day. the sun is shining really brightly, and it feels like it's so bright and happy that it's shining in me. it's a good feeling. this morning i got to work and was so happy that i could just kind of pause, and feel like i could breathe here. this month has been like sprinting a 100 meter dash, and right now is the feeling that you get after you cross the finish line and get to walk off the stress your body took in the dash.

this weekend was incredibly productive. i was giddy. i managed to find most of my gifts for my bridesmaids (as in part 1 for them is now covered), and my mom bought me my necklace for the wedding. it's quite pretty. i also got someone for our flowers! the quote was just over $200 less than our first quote with a different company, so that felt super awesome.

andrew's sister is coming back for the whole summer! that's really exciting!

today i am thankful. i am thankful for beauty. i'm thankful for good friends who did not make me feel awful for being so non-existent lately. i'm thankful for being able to laugh and to pause and enjoy little moments in my day. and i'm super thankful for andrew, who is just too marvelous for words.

97 more days until i'm married!

two dreams.

after today there are 8 more days until april.
i can't wait. i would like to be able to have calm weeks again. ones where i do not feel the need to just set my head down on my desk for a brief repose, just to make it to the end of the day.

i am longing for a day that i can feel like i did in this photo again.


in other news, i had a wedding nightmare last night. this one crossed the line a little. my wedding became a funeral somehow, and i found myself being comforted by the person who had died (don't ask me how that worked). i didn't make it to my wedding. i was driving there, and then all of a sudden it was raining and i was in the basement of a church crying really hard. seriously, my subconscious needs to realize that right now, that is not very helpful. a dream about golden retriever puppies (or some cheesy crap like that) would be much better to start my day remembering when i know the rest of the day will be crazy.


i promise that when april comes i'll perk these posts up.

Bad wedding dream #3.

I had a dream last night that my shoes were awfully wrong and it was too close to our wedding to do anything about them. I dreamed that the nice yellow patterned shoes I've bought and keep on forgetting to get from Joelle so I can try them on and see them in real life, were actually not patterned at all.

They ended up being just canvasy kind of wedge shoes that were in a gross brown beige instead of yellow, and that the patterns were STICK ON's.

Seriously. Like stickers. Decorate your own shoes stickers. But they looked terrible and I ended up crying all over the place.

These dreams are HILARIOUS. Yet another perk to getting married. Being able to chuckle at what your sub conscious picks on.

growing up.

today, i just wish i could talk to my mom. growing up is such a relative term, i've decided. i think i will always just want her opinion on things as i go along. she's in kingston right now so alas, i cannot talk to her, but that is okay.

i'm sitting on my coffee break at work, with a lot on my mind. i have a lot to process right now, and very little time to do so. work continues to be busy and will be busy right until the last day of this month. april will be a sigh of relief for me. a time to reconnect with friends, to go to bed early, and to not do over time. also, it will be kicking into high gear for wedding plans time.

the future is a mystery to me. it is good that way, but sometimes i do not like it. i'm seeking the balance of what i love and what i can do for a job. i have new thoughts on that. my brain feels full.

these things are going to furnish our apartment!!!!!!

bed room set:

dining room table!

coffee & end tables (looks better in real life)!!

Couch & love seat!

YAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

blend in.

we got our apartment! tonight, andrew and i will hand over a damage deposit cheque to our future landlord, and will be getting a beautiful two bedroom apartment on mcmillan & daly. we've both been excitedly talking about where things will go, and how we'll make it ours.

ours! that's the best word ever lately. just fills me with a particular kind of happy.

things are falling into place. we've still got flowers to be taken care of, and our wedding party attire, but aside from that we're sitting pretty.

ottawa was quite fun. i learned that i do not like being in a hotel by myself, except for the one hour of getting ready where i have a well lit bathroom with a plug and counter space (none of which exist in my current residence). that was awesome. i saw an old friend and we talked like it hadn't been three years since we'd last seen each other. when it came down to it though, i enjoyed myself, but was very ready to come home to see andrew.

work is just INSANE. like, until april 1st, i will just be running around like crazy, organizing, presenting, planning, and appointmenting. dear next fiscal year, you can't come soon enough. so if you who are reading this are someone i see in person, i do apologize for not being able to see you in person very much.

goodbye for now.

toppers.

i've been making these for my wedding cupcake "topper". by that i mean, they'll sit on top of the tiered cake holder. i'll be putting eyes on them, and a little bowtie for andrew's, and feather tails. excited!