there are days when all you can do is sit back and stare out a window at the grey sky that is reflecting your mood far too well.

my heart is breaking, my mind is full, i feel paralyzed. and it has little to do with me.

in your care we confess our deepest sigh, even so, Lord Jesus come.

there are moments in our lives that change them forever. sometimes good, sometimes bad, sometimes it cannot be defined as either, because what it starts with (good or bad) is not always what it ends with. i sit here watching the lives of people around me be altered forever, both through a death of a son, and through very serious injury. and i feel sorrow on their behalf, i feel helpless on mine, and... all i can do is continue to look out my window.

ready & waiting to fall.

i am feeling very content lately, which i'd take over just being happy. because contentedness bring happiness, but happiness does not bring contentedness & is much more fickle.

i'm looking forward to moving. i will miss family & the comforts of home, but i think it is a good time to move.

it's the small things that get me excited. like buying towels. i bought towels. i was beaming. i'm figuring out the other things i need & just thinking about them gets me giddy. cheap thrills, but i'll take it.

jess & jon got back and it's wonderful knowing they aren't leaving again, at least not for a long while. the instant she got home andrew started to laugh at how similar we are. ie: we get ridiculously excited when we get new clothes and have to show each other. fact: the nayler girls have a tradition of fashion shows immediately after shopping. i forget that he hasn't been around them more than just christmas break this year. boy is he in for a treat.


in other news, one of the youth at my church had a really horrible accident at camp and is in the children's hospital with several breaks. she's really athletic, beautiful & wonderful, and it breaks my heart that she's in this much pain. praypraypray.

la la la la la.

1. i'm moving out. i am very excited. i did not think it would be this soon, and i'm excited and nervous and excited some more.

2. jess and jon come back sunday! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

3. i recently lifted my internet shopping ban, and will be receiving these in the mail soon from urban outfitters! (i love mail!):

i think i will feel very pretty in this one.

another scarf. it was on sale. they all were actually.

gosh i love dragons. i think andrew will like this one.

i was not allowed to get one more grey, brown, black or white item. yellow's not bad. for a color.

leaves become so beautiful.

it's july 20th today.

it has not felt like summer, and now it's more than halfway done.
i have not been able to swim and play in the sun like i wanted to. i have not stargazed. i have been to the beach once and it was very cold. i have not flown our kite yet.

sniffle.

yet at the same time, there's plenty to look forward to right now. jess & jon are home in six days. six days! also, fun weddings will be happening in august. and a cabin weekend. so that's great. and i'm looking forward to the fall. but i can wait for fall, if summer wants to come for real.

twenty four.

i might post something not about andrew one day. but for now...
the odds are good that i was more excited for andrew's birthday than he was. haha. i bought him a ben folds t-shirt, which i was super excited about, we had sushi, and...

i learned how to make and use fondant!

birthday boy!!!!!

tonight i'm taking him out for fancy shmancy dinner, and the birthday will be complete! excited.

day of rest.

falcon lake. so good.
well, it was way colder than it should be in july, but i tried laying on the beach anyways. lasted about an hour. we just didn't think very hard about sunscreen because it was so cold, and thus we both got hilariously burned. we giggled a lot. my mom did not.

we lunched, hiked, mini golfed (andrew won), went out for dinner, and drove back to winnipeg.
essentially it was just the most perfect time to have had. i got to spend the whole day with andrew, we had no real obligations all day, and i laughed more than i have in a long time.

wonderful.

you're lovely.

saturday.

for whatever reason(s), my heart has felt less okay lately. less okay for a longer period of time than usual. i have felt very insecure & defeatable & just not very good. although he does so very willingly, andrew has had to put up with a lot of girly nonsense.

i think i have shut myself down in a lot of areas in my life. i'm sorting out a lot. i have found that changes that are good for me personally are changing a lot of other things for me. and at the end have found myself more alone than i've felt in a long time. i guess in a way i'm growing into the changes that are happening with or without my consent, and am becoming more of a... adult. an adult with a healthy dose of immaturity. for the record.

so saturday. back to it. andrew and i conjured up a wonderful plan for the day that i think will do my heart a lot of good.

-i'm going over and making andrew breakfast for when he wakes up
-we're running an errand in the city
-driving out to falcon lake
-picnic lunch!
-hiking and swimming
-mini golf
-dinner at the falcon lake bakery bistro
-sunset watching
-picture taking

it's pretty much going to be the perfect day for me & andrew is the best ever because he's not really into beach stuff ect, but is doing it for me. i'm so excited for the whole day especially because i'm looking out the window at work at a dark & rainy sky.

sunshine is coming back.

roots.

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin. (Movie)

I like this quote. I would like to think that in love will stick around forever, but the foundational love that this quote speaks of is too often forgotten. So often when in love goes, so does the relationship. Love is a feeling, and love is a choice. Combined it's better than just one or the other.

I specifically love the part about the roots. It's a beautiful thing to stop and realize that your imagination is not good enough to create a situation without the person you love.

smiles at the moonlight like he knows her.

i would like to go far away.
alone.
just for a little bit. a week?

it's probably the worst and best idea ever right now.

eet.

A photo update on life. Go.

Luke and I went on a photo adventure and it was fantastic.

Dustin & Erynn got hitched.


My dad & I ran a half marathon together.


I went to the Ex with Ashli & Meghan. We ate lots of unhealthy food and it was marvelous.


Joelle & Kevin also got married!

And this one maintained his status as my favorite.


That's all for now!