Sixty two.

The tone of this post will be a bit of a contrast from the last, but that's okay.

A few things getting me down of late (though in general i am feeling quite happy).

1. i was listening to the news and heard about the walmart employee who was killed on black friday because a crowd broke down a door and trampled him. i almost started to cry. that sums up a lot of what is wrong with the society we're in. i don't want to get going on some anti-capitalist rant, but it just broke my heart that a sale ended up being more important to people than a man's life. i wonder what kind of things he liked to do with his free time? how is his family doing? was he in love with someone and now that's ruined? i just don't understand.

2. it's honestly been about a month and a half since i've been able to sleep in. i go to bed late and i get up by 8am. my body is so so tired. it's telling me that i'm not being fair, but school and work are just taking priortiy right now. i'm gettng sick. today i worked from 9-3 and right now i'm home and my face is burning but everything else is cold. i feel miserable and sorry for myself and then frustrated becasue i'm being a whiner.

3. my time is just slipping away from me. i have been putting off getting together with beautiful friends whom i adore bceause i just can't go out right now. school is too hectic. it's sad when i have to tell meghan and ashli that i can't hang out for weeks in a row. and i always feel like my time with the boy is so limited. this week i may not see him at all. that's awful. he has been my anchor in all this. makes me feel like i can count on at least one thing to make sense and be dependable.

4. money right now is a bad scene. my parents have been champs in helping me out, but they shouldn't have to be. i've not been very responsible and i need to really not let this happen again.

when all this is done, i will do the following things and they will make me happy:
-i will sleep in. nothing stirs prior to 10am
-i will see the boy. and give him a million hugs.
-i will read my bible.
-i will read books that i am chooosing to read. in bubble baths.
-i will wrap gifts and make them beautiful
-i will write skits for youth
-i will paint things