Forty nine.

I'm sitting here thinking about how silly it is that I want to post my emotional discomfort onto a web-page.  That said, here it comes.

I often have moments in life where I feel like I'm just standing still, unable to move forward or backward, while the world spins around me uncontrollably.  It won't stop or slow down, and all I can do is stare and wonder how I can get back in the spin without getting hurt.  Like being a child and trying to figure out an escalator.  And I just stare and stare and stare.  Sometimes forgetting to breathe.

How am I supposed to breath?  How am I supposed to breath?

I realize I have little to complain about in the world.  I do.  

I get to choose what direction my life should take, and that is a luxury that a large percentage of our world misses out on.  And that should be enough.  I should be grateful that I can even choose to get hurt, because I'm choosing.  Most of the time.

Mistakes we knew we were making.  Mistakes we knew we were making. Don't think about chances we're taking.  Mistakes we knew.

Transitions.  They take a lot out of us.  Mind you, we have much to learn from them, and in theory will come out stronger.  Well that's neat.  But only when you're looking back.  Not always when you're in the midst of things.

Raced the days closed, in the hopes that the mornings would swell again.

But we'll always be okay, right?  Right.  We're much more resilient than we think.  We just need to convince ourselves of that truth I guess.  That's where my struggle comes in.  Often I'd rather just sit in misery than to force myself to my feet and go forward.  It's kind of pathetic.

Now autumn brings the beautiful things, where all you give comes back to you like the crown upon my king.  You're life's a song, so sing along, until the silence swallows you and leaves you like a pawn.