tree climber.

oh boy. i met with jill and we did measurements and talked about my dress and i am so very excited. this picture is not it. i just thought it was comical, and also could not post what my dress is, as andrew has been known to look over my blog. and that's can't happen, now can it!

159 days until i get married. honestly, i woudln't know that unless i went to theknot.com, which i do often. but it's fun seeing the numbers going down - especially when we started at 300 something!

i'm so very in love with andrew and i'm so excited to marry him. i'm excited for this summer in general - getting married, new york, being in jill's wedding and therefore learning how to make a bouquet, and more! moving into a new place, settling.. eek.

there's a chance i might be going to ottawa in march, which is really cool. for work!

i'm all over the place right now because i don't have much time and i'm excited about a lot. yay. i hope you're having a lovely day.

tap dance.

tonight, for some reason, i do not feel quite at home in my home (apartment). it's not the most super feeling ever. but it's not dreadful or anything. just weird. i've gotten quite used to not being here for evenings, perhaps that is it.

i am distracted. i am reading a book and i like to fall right into the words on the page, but tonight i can't. my eyes are aware that there are things other than my book. nothing in particular. i feel apprehensive.

in other news, i am a large fan of the mix tapes i've received over the years, and am going to make myself feel at home by listening to them while i continue reading.

wedding dreams.

the other day jill told me about her first wedding dream, and i welcomed her to the world of post-engagement wedding dreams.

so far i've had a few.

the first one was the wilted roses one. i had ugly pink roses instead of daisies, and they were pink at that - a color i would not choose to associate with very often. i just don't feel nice in pink. or like myself. so double whammy. triple if you include the wilting factor.

the second one was particularly disturbing because it was less frivillously upsetting and more legit upsetting. i dreamt i didn't want to get married and i was freaking out, and i wasn't marrying andrew (which my conscious self has concluded that my subconscious was onto the fact that if it wasn't andrew, it wasn't okay). that was unpleasant.

now this most recent dream was last night and it was about my friend's wedding, not mine. i dreamt i sent pictures of her in her dress to a lot of people (before her wedding), including her fiance. which is terrible and awful. in my dream i thought it was a good idea, until i sent it and realized how NOT good of an idea that was. i tried desperately to undo it but i couldn't. she cried and i cried and i knew i ruined something awesome for her.

ugh. dreams! i used to think they were random. they are not. i have had so many dreams that connected to my life at the time i was having the dreams. i remember having a really hard decision to make a few years ago and having dream after dream of me fighting things. it finally dawned on me that i was wrestling so much with this choice that my mind would put me through visuals at night of what i was putting it through during the day.

dreams are so interesting. that's all.