MLIA.

andrew introduced me to the funniest website ever.

you should probably go check out my life is average asap.

my favorites from the last two days:

A few years ago, I got a call from my grandmothers nursing home at about 3 in the morning. The nurse frantically explained to me that my grandma had taken an older man hostage, requesting chocolate milk for his safe release. You go, grandma. MLIA

Today, as I was leaving my class, I heard my professor yell "Stop!" I froze. My professor proceeded to run in front on me, and jump on a particularly crunchy leaf. He walked off, and I thought no more of it, until I got +10% on my next test, with the note: For satisfying my inner child. MLIA.

for the keeping.

fear & uncertainty.

i think that i operate based upon these too things far too often. it affects how i operate, how i relate to people, and how i go about being me on my own and me with others.

i am afraid of hurting people, disappointing people, and being rejected by people.
i am uncertain of my own abilities, my own intelligence, and of what people truly think of me.

this is a really unfortunate existence. it is not my entire existence, but when these two things begin to dominate it really doesn't work out for the better for anyone. so i am discovering. i make bad decisions, or become apathetic. i shut down a bit and hope for the best. it's not a good plan. i also end up being more and more of a push over, and not able to hold to the things that i have a right to feel, right to do, or right to be.

i love the moments when i've felt confident. when it was okay that things weren't all going well, because i had a certain level of certainty when it came to myself. i do not like this current version of uncertain.

i'm also incredibly emotional, which isn't helpful. because sometimes i forget to think about what i'm feeling, and just feel. this is not great when you need to actually make assessments of what's going on and then sort it through on your own or with others.

one day i'll figure out this life thing. until then, i will just keep having moments like right now, when i can really say that there is something to say for hermithood...

anthems sweet.

pms is seriously the worst.

i cannot think of any other time when i am completely, inexplicably selfish and grumpy. it's terrible. i mean, having dealt with depression on and off for so many years, you'd think i'd get used to mood swings and how to deal with them. but pms is a different league all together. it is its own kind of awful.

inexplicable is one of the best descriptions of it too. there is no rhyme or reason. or if there is either of these things, it gets so blown out of proportion. the end of all things wonderful happens when someone says something in a tone i interpret as less than ecstatic. or when andrew doesn't read my mind (i honestly do my best to keep from that really twisted way of operating as a female, but pms is a nasty thing, really).

i'm not saying i can blame it all on pms. i mean, i still have the ability to rationalize, but sometimes strong emotions that hit fast and hard aren't easy to calm quickly with logic. i can get borderline barbaric. like, i get so frustrated that i just shake a little and make grunting sounds, as if those things will help me articulate myself better, or realize that not having folded my rosette perfectly is OKAY.

in closing, the best quote to sum things up, taken from my friend dana's facebook page:
"My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and that this is my real personality"

Funny.
True.