you're lovely.

saturday.

for whatever reason(s), my heart has felt less okay lately. less okay for a longer period of time than usual. i have felt very insecure & defeatable & just not very good. although he does so very willingly, andrew has had to put up with a lot of girly nonsense.

i think i have shut myself down in a lot of areas in my life. i'm sorting out a lot. i have found that changes that are good for me personally are changing a lot of other things for me. and at the end have found myself more alone than i've felt in a long time. i guess in a way i'm growing into the changes that are happening with or without my consent, and am becoming more of a... adult. an adult with a healthy dose of immaturity. for the record.

so saturday. back to it. andrew and i conjured up a wonderful plan for the day that i think will do my heart a lot of good.

-i'm going over and making andrew breakfast for when he wakes up
-we're running an errand in the city
-driving out to falcon lake
-picnic lunch!
-hiking and swimming
-mini golf
-dinner at the falcon lake bakery bistro
-sunset watching
-picture taking

it's pretty much going to be the perfect day for me & andrew is the best ever because he's not really into beach stuff ect, but is doing it for me. i'm so excited for the whole day especially because i'm looking out the window at work at a dark & rainy sky.

sunshine is coming back.

roots.

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin. (Movie)

I like this quote. I would like to think that in love will stick around forever, but the foundational love that this quote speaks of is too often forgotten. So often when in love goes, so does the relationship. Love is a feeling, and love is a choice. Combined it's better than just one or the other.

I specifically love the part about the roots. It's a beautiful thing to stop and realize that your imagination is not good enough to create a situation without the person you love.

smiles at the moonlight like he knows her.

i would like to go far away.
alone.
just for a little bit. a week?

it's probably the worst and best idea ever right now.